So today has officially made it to the top tier of things that I could have done without this year.
So far there is only 5 things so I guess that’s a great score considering the year is almost over. I’m not even going to go into detail but rest assured, they were a real blimin inconvenience ;-)
Anyway. Today I sat in the surgeons office for 3 hours discussing all the gorey details of this ugly cancer, and formulating a counter attack against it. The battle strategy is ruthless, but it must be done and although I understand the hard facts in theory, it doesn’t make it any easier to swallow once all is said and done and I’m left sitting on the couch writing this.
It appears this thing is bigger and more stubborn than we originally thought.
Still not going to die. Just putting that out there!! But man….what a beep of a parasite.|
So many thoughts going on upstairs right now, its just too difficult to unravel them all and look at them one by one. So I’m going to rewind a little bit and share with you one of the reasons why I think this thing doesn’t have a hope against me and my God.
6 weeks ago I dragged my stubborn butt into the doctors to get my left breast checked. Unfortunately for me and my vivid imagination, Uncle Google had me all worked up about a rare form of cancer called Inflammatory Breast cancer. Difficult to diagnose but I had a good chunk of the symptoms according to the many online experts. The Doctor suggested I should get a mammogram just to ease my mind (I take my hat off to her for not rolling her eyes at my google inspired suspicions), and did a full breast examination on me just to be extra sure. Several days later the mammogram referral came back with a big REJECTED stamp on it. Apparently I was too young to be worried about breast cancer and didn’t fit their criteria. So she pulled me into her office again and asked if I wanted to bother pursuing the matter. In that moment I nearly gave up and accepted that I really must have hypochondriacal tendencies lol (Funny if you know what I've been through!) The consult went on for a bit and I couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that I shouldn’t let this go….so we decided to push back. Nothing to loose and all that. A week later they scheduled me for a mammogram which I very nearly didn’t go to because by this stage I was just hoha and over the whole thing. But once again that nagging feeling pushed me out the door. Long story short, my left breast turns out to be just fine – it was my right breast that was hiding a tumour and other cancer cells. Both my doctor and I had not felt it during the breast examination, so the thing was a sneaky little rat right from the get go. They tried to schedule a biopsy the next day but I was going to be out of town so they gave up their lunch break to give me one on the spot. That’s when I knew it was serious. One week later I was back in my doctors office, where she proceeded to break the hard news to me. I will always remember it, not because of the news, but because we both sat there along with a good friend of mine, all shaking our heads in complete wonder at how this thing had been caught. It could have so easily not been caught - and it would have been too late for me. Every step we took was guaranteed to reveal the problem and provide an answer for it. Crazy beautiful awe inspiring stuff.
After much thought and consideration to the matter, I have come to the conclusion that God has got my back (not Uncle Google lol). This is one of the reasons why I will not fear, I will not be afraid, I will stand with His strength during these tough times and have confidence that at the end of the day – no matter what happens – God’s got it all under control.
I choose this day to focus on all the blessings and miracles, and be thankful for everything I’ve been given. I am thankful for life, thankful for my GP, thankful for the radiologist who did the biopsy so quickly, thankful for good friends willing to walk the hard yards with me, thankful for my crazy family who are holding it together so well, thankful for the surgeon who is kind, caring and thoughtful, thankful for the little heart I received today with my Breast Cancer Support pack, thankful for my Aunty Lyn for being there with me today, thankful for making it home because I’m pretty sure I was in shock…….gosh should I go on? So many more things to be thankful for. Its all a matter of perspective.
PS Can I say one more thing......Ladies. Don't take no for an answer. Get them checked!!! I'm not even 40....it can happen. That's all I'm saying. Keep praying loved ones x