Well its been a while. I just haven't felt like writing about this stuff.
To say the journey has been like a roller coaster sounds a bit cliche, but there it is. Best way to describe the ups and downs, highs and lows, the feeling like you're finally climbing toward breakthrough, corkscrewing at the top then plummeting unexpectedly downwards. Yep...its been some kind of ride. But you can't get off, even if you want to. It's not that kind of ride.
Some people have asked me how it is my family and I have been able to move on to another church so quickly - especially considering all we've been through. Many cannot understand how, let alone why. Everyone has their own reasons for doing what they are currently doing. Ours is simple enough. We just believe God wants us to keep connected to the Body because that is and always has been HIS heart for HIS people. It's biblical, but it's also personal. God knows that isolation doesn't work at the best of times, and maybe....just maybe, we will encounter some much needed healing. Maybe we will connect with people who have been sent to us for such a time as this, who will help us make sense of this valley we are walking through. Lend an arm in support or an ear to hear. But if I were to simplify it even more than this - It is the conviction of our hearts that holds us steady and keeps us moving forward. We just know it's the right thing to do.
But that doesn't make it easy. In fact if I'm brutally honest, every single Sunday that I make myself step into that environment (out of pure obedience) is a challenge. It's hard. Its painful. It hurts in ways I can't even begin to explain. I am not an overly emotional person and yet every week I struggle to hold back the tears. To hold back the wave of loneliness and sadness I feel - despite the warmth and loving kindness of the people who dare to reach out to us. I miss my people...I miss what we had and how much we loved each other. That's just the truth. I've reached the point in my process where I've stopped focusing on the MANY different negative aspects and started to remember the good. Started to miss the goodness that God did bless us with during our time with this church over the last 13 years. It wasn't all bad...most of us will agree now that the shock and rawness has worn off. So no its not easy being confronted with what I no longer have every week. But it's more important to me to press in and push through because I know because I KNOW, that God has given me a future and hope. And despite the growing pains, it's actually doing good for me and my family. You know, sometimes we get so caught up in the pain and how it feels that we completely forget to look at the progress and victory. So yeah I get sad because I am only human, but then I remind and affirm myself that the course of my life will not be dictated to by fleeting emotions. Hence the stand we've made about church (and other things).
No....you cannot get off this ride. Not if you've TRULY given your life to Jesus. Not if you truly love Him more than your circumstances and how they make you feel. Not if you are determined to keep walking forward, even if you feel crippled by pain. Nothing worth having is easy. Jesus didn't crawl down off the cross when His blood started to flow. He saw it through because He knew there was a bigger picture at play. Sometimes we have to take our eyes off the immediate reality, lift our heads and focus on the bigger picture. Such times only last for a while. That much we know to be true! Pray for us, as we continue to pray for you.