Rest in Heaven Joey
Yesterday someone very important to me died.
I knew it was coming but I had a deep desperate hope in my heart that it wouldn’t happen. That somehow God would turn it all around and choose that moment, that person, that opportunity to reveal Himself even more so to a desperate world.
The crazy thing is, I’ve never met this person, but from the moment I was introduced to her journey, and encountered her spirit through the words of ‘one mans extraordinary but ordinary life’, I was indelibly connected forevermore. Now I know that sounds crazy to some of you who are reading this right now, and if you know me - you know I’m not the warm fluffy spiritualist who clings desperately onto any good ole tale, let alone a complete strangers. But Joey is no stranger to me and my spirit.
I have followed Joey’s story for several months now and with every word and every picture I have grown closer to her and her family.
After every update I have cried, whether they were tears of pain, frustration, fear, or even joy.
I have often caught myself grinning like an idiot, and crying like a bigger idiot, all at the same time - and feeling really idiotic about the whole thing.
I cannot even begin to explain this connection but it got real personal real quick.
When I found out Joey had terminal cancer and she was asking God for a miracle, it was around the same time I found out I had cancer and was asking our same God for the same miracle. Our stories were different but achingly similar. I just couldn’t get this lady and her family out of my mind and off my heart. At the same time I was coming to terms with my own reality and trying my best to deflect the fiery darts of fear that were trying to set me on fire and send me into a blind panic.
I identified strongly with her faith, and would often read the same words that I had just written myself. I heard the same prayers I had just prayed, both spoken and unspoken. Felt the same cry come deep from a desperate mothers heart. I wanted my own miracle so bad – not so much for myself, but for my family especially. For my beautiful teenage girl who’s just learning how to be a woman, and my amazing little boy who, much like Joeys little Indiana, needs his mummy so badly right now. I could feel her heart breaking from all the way over the other side of the world, and yet she had so much grace, unwavering faith, and a meekness that I had still had yet to master.
I wanted this miracle for Joey and her family. Crazily enough, I wanted it more than I wanted my own.
So I found myself on my knees begging God for HER miracle, over and above my own. Sometimes I would sit next to my son in his room while he was sleeping and pray for this very thing…with tears streaming down my face, all the while not really understanding myself but knowing my spirit understood it all. I know that sounds really insane on some level and maybe you won’t ever understand. That’s ok because I don’t fully either. All I know is that my heart ached deeply at the thought of her leaving Rory, their two big girls, and their little angel girl Indiana behind. It was just too close to home. And it just wasn’t fair. But more importantly than that, Joey had an influential and uncompromising faith, with a prominent platform to share that faith from. The world was indeed watching and thousands upon thousands of people were praying for a miracle. I know this because I read many of their comments and prayers. So YES I wanted this for Joey over and above my own needs. Not just for her families sake, but most importantly for the worlds sake.
I know I’m not alone in hoping for His glory to be revealed in a world that is slowly caving in on itself; For people to finally see Him and know Him like we do and to find that indescribable hope and love. Yes it's in His hands of course, but if history has taught us anything, its that God uses His people to reveal Himself to others. Surely Joeys story would be a perfect catalyst for that and many would be saved. She had more of a chance than little old me at the ends of the earth that’s for sure. And I know God can use anyone, and He doesn’t need people of great influence or position to make the grand introductions or to make His name great. I know this. But man, she was beautiful - body, soul and spirit. A great choice to spread the good news if I do say so myself.
And then she died.
And what’s more – I got my miracle.
I just don’t get it, and I suppose I never will. Not until I go home at least.
There is no doubt that God knows what He’s doing, and while we may never understand it whilst here on earth, our only (and biggest) job is to trust Him. We have the easy end of the stick and yet what a complex stick it is. I guess that’s what makes the choice of trust so much more important -and vital for our walk whilst here on earth.
In the mean time we (thousands of us) are left trying to come to terms with the fact that our prayers of miraculous healing were not answered. At least not the way we wanted them answered. And yet I don’t believe it says anywhere in the bible “I shall give you exactly what you want, exactly the way you want it” so why do we dare to get upset and disillusioned because it didn’t happen the way we expected it to?
And yet even Joey knew the answer to this even if we didn’t want to pay close attention to it at the time; “Yes pray for a miracle, but even more so, pray for peace with His decision. His will, not ours”.
SO in a way - in the most important way - HER prayers were answered.
I reckon this way to pray is the key.
I’ve known it for a while, and have even found a measure of peace at this final conclusion for my own journey – but I think sometimes we just want what we want. And boy did I want her life on earth to continue. I wanted it for me, I wanted it for her, I wanted it for the world.
But God wanted her for Him. Guess who trumps them all!
So the good news is, she’s with Him now, probably having the time of her life. As Monty Williams said recently about his late wife's passing "We didn't lose her. When you lose something, you can't find it. I know exactly where my wife is.... She's in heaven."
No more pain for Joey, no more heartache. She is home with her Saviour. What more can you really ask for? Now its time to pray for those who have been left behind. They know the truth of the matter, but will miss her terribly regardless. There is healing available through prayer…so won’t you join me and lets do this once again? I’m pretty sure Joey would love that.
Bex xox
PS I know that Rory will probably never read this, but it was his words about his wife (and even himself) that helped me gain the courage I needed to keep telling my story. This is what he said and I will be forever grateful;
I knew it was coming but I had a deep desperate hope in my heart that it wouldn’t happen. That somehow God would turn it all around and choose that moment, that person, that opportunity to reveal Himself even more so to a desperate world.
The crazy thing is, I’ve never met this person, but from the moment I was introduced to her journey, and encountered her spirit through the words of ‘one mans extraordinary but ordinary life’, I was indelibly connected forevermore. Now I know that sounds crazy to some of you who are reading this right now, and if you know me - you know I’m not the warm fluffy spiritualist who clings desperately onto any good ole tale, let alone a complete strangers. But Joey is no stranger to me and my spirit.
I have followed Joey’s story for several months now and with every word and every picture I have grown closer to her and her family.
After every update I have cried, whether they were tears of pain, frustration, fear, or even joy.
I have often caught myself grinning like an idiot, and crying like a bigger idiot, all at the same time - and feeling really idiotic about the whole thing.
I cannot even begin to explain this connection but it got real personal real quick.
When I found out Joey had terminal cancer and she was asking God for a miracle, it was around the same time I found out I had cancer and was asking our same God for the same miracle. Our stories were different but achingly similar. I just couldn’t get this lady and her family out of my mind and off my heart. At the same time I was coming to terms with my own reality and trying my best to deflect the fiery darts of fear that were trying to set me on fire and send me into a blind panic.
I identified strongly with her faith, and would often read the same words that I had just written myself. I heard the same prayers I had just prayed, both spoken and unspoken. Felt the same cry come deep from a desperate mothers heart. I wanted my own miracle so bad – not so much for myself, but for my family especially. For my beautiful teenage girl who’s just learning how to be a woman, and my amazing little boy who, much like Joeys little Indiana, needs his mummy so badly right now. I could feel her heart breaking from all the way over the other side of the world, and yet she had so much grace, unwavering faith, and a meekness that I had still had yet to master.
I wanted this miracle for Joey and her family. Crazily enough, I wanted it more than I wanted my own.
So I found myself on my knees begging God for HER miracle, over and above my own. Sometimes I would sit next to my son in his room while he was sleeping and pray for this very thing…with tears streaming down my face, all the while not really understanding myself but knowing my spirit understood it all. I know that sounds really insane on some level and maybe you won’t ever understand. That’s ok because I don’t fully either. All I know is that my heart ached deeply at the thought of her leaving Rory, their two big girls, and their little angel girl Indiana behind. It was just too close to home. And it just wasn’t fair. But more importantly than that, Joey had an influential and uncompromising faith, with a prominent platform to share that faith from. The world was indeed watching and thousands upon thousands of people were praying for a miracle. I know this because I read many of their comments and prayers. So YES I wanted this for Joey over and above my own needs. Not just for her families sake, but most importantly for the worlds sake.
I know I’m not alone in hoping for His glory to be revealed in a world that is slowly caving in on itself; For people to finally see Him and know Him like we do and to find that indescribable hope and love. Yes it's in His hands of course, but if history has taught us anything, its that God uses His people to reveal Himself to others. Surely Joeys story would be a perfect catalyst for that and many would be saved. She had more of a chance than little old me at the ends of the earth that’s for sure. And I know God can use anyone, and He doesn’t need people of great influence or position to make the grand introductions or to make His name great. I know this. But man, she was beautiful - body, soul and spirit. A great choice to spread the good news if I do say so myself.
And then she died.
And what’s more – I got my miracle.
I just don’t get it, and I suppose I never will. Not until I go home at least.
There is no doubt that God knows what He’s doing, and while we may never understand it whilst here on earth, our only (and biggest) job is to trust Him. We have the easy end of the stick and yet what a complex stick it is. I guess that’s what makes the choice of trust so much more important -and vital for our walk whilst here on earth.
In the mean time we (thousands of us) are left trying to come to terms with the fact that our prayers of miraculous healing were not answered. At least not the way we wanted them answered. And yet I don’t believe it says anywhere in the bible “I shall give you exactly what you want, exactly the way you want it” so why do we dare to get upset and disillusioned because it didn’t happen the way we expected it to?
And yet even Joey knew the answer to this even if we didn’t want to pay close attention to it at the time; “Yes pray for a miracle, but even more so, pray for peace with His decision. His will, not ours”.
SO in a way - in the most important way - HER prayers were answered.
I reckon this way to pray is the key.
I’ve known it for a while, and have even found a measure of peace at this final conclusion for my own journey – but I think sometimes we just want what we want. And boy did I want her life on earth to continue. I wanted it for me, I wanted it for her, I wanted it for the world.
But God wanted her for Him. Guess who trumps them all!
So the good news is, she’s with Him now, probably having the time of her life. As Monty Williams said recently about his late wife's passing "We didn't lose her. When you lose something, you can't find it. I know exactly where my wife is.... She's in heaven."
No more pain for Joey, no more heartache. She is home with her Saviour. What more can you really ask for? Now its time to pray for those who have been left behind. They know the truth of the matter, but will miss her terribly regardless. There is healing available through prayer…so won’t you join me and lets do this once again? I’m pretty sure Joey would love that.
Bex xox
PS I know that Rory will probably never read this, but it was his words about his wife (and even himself) that helped me gain the courage I needed to keep telling my story. This is what he said and I will be forever grateful;
"That’s the thing about someone burning with passion – the whole world can see their light. They have something that shines so bright inside them, others can’t help but notice it in their eyes and on their faces and in their actions. They use their lives to provide some light in a dark world that can be overwhelming and scary at times.
- Rory Feek
