Rapunzel Issues
From the time I was able to grow hair, my mother made me grow it.
Because of this, I’ve spent most of my life with super long hair, and while hot summers and lazy hair style habits have often seen me frustrated with my unruly mop – I have learnt how to tolerate it over the years.
You see I’m not really a ‘hair-person’ truth be told. Anyone who knows me, knows this. You just have to look at my questionable hair styling techniques (or lack thereof) to know this! My Mum on the other hand, had some sort of girly fascination (bordering on obsession) with the idea. It probably was a typical case of a mother ‘living out her dream through her one and only daughter ’, although that’s just a cheeky guess.
So, if I’m not such a big hair person then why didn’t I just chop it off the moment I discovered the freedom of becoming an adult? When the shackles of hair growth were broken? When Rapunzel finally decided not to let down her hair? Good question. Easily enough answered: Long story short; She begged me.
In fact she made me promise countless times never to cut it off. And to this day I have honored that promise as ridiculous as it sounds.
In a way, I am a modern day Rapunzel minus the blonde metres of course. From all fairy tale accounts that girl never really did care too much about her own hair. Someone else did - whether it was the prince wanting to climb his way into her heart in the more traditional tale, or the wicked witch playing Rapunzels mother in Tangled, who just wanted her to keep it for their own weird and wonderful agendas.
Speaking of mothers…
It's no secret my mother and I haven’t always had the easiest relationship, and because of that it has been quite tempting over the years to play the rebel and do the very thing she’s asked me not to do. Very easy. While some might think being a rebel comes naturally to me (HA!), one only needs to ask the question why. You’re not born ‘a rebel’. Not really. Usually its because someone or some people have let you down and you develop trust issues, which eventually turn into “I don’t really give a crap” issues or “I’m just going to do this to get a reaction” issues. Let’s just say my mother let me down too many times to count, from my birth to her death. But I know she tried her best and never wanted to let me down. Me not chopping the mop was my weird and wonderful way of acknowledging this, and honoring her regardless. You see, there is a reason why the bible tells us to honor our fathers and mothers – minus any conditions attached. It may not be easy for some, but God requires it of us. We don't have to agree with what they have done or how they may have treated us. Honor and Forgiveness are principles that bring YOU and ME into a position of freedom. Its not a fluffy feel good exercise, although this can be a bi-product of activating truth. What it does is open the channels between you and God, so He can ultimately teach you how to become more like Him. And come on!! Who doesn't want that??!
Upon reflection, that final year of her life was probably the best for us as mother and daughter. We finally learnt how to be great friends – free from all the rubbish of past hurt, free to get on with life and free to enjoy each other fully for the first time ever. Separate but finally together (she lived in Taupo, I was in Hamilton). Even in that final year as we sat down together and had wonderful adult conversations, and connected wonderfully on even ground - the issue of my hair was raised, and that silly but serious promise renewed.
Rapunzel would just have to suck it up.
In the next couple of weeks I am going to have to break that promise and it really does break my heart.
Not because I am a hair person and can’t stand to loose my hair. But because that was one of the last promises I made my mother and I have honored that my whole adult life. I took that promise seriously, especially in the wake of her death because I knew that it meant something to her.
Now cancer will rob me of that promise and there ain’t nothing I can do about it. So Mum, if your peering over my shoulder right now as I’m writing this – please understand there is nothing I can do. I can’t do anything more to keep this promise, but I am sorry I’ve had to break it.
Yes - The day it comes off I will probably cry. I’ll cry like every other woman cries when their hair falls out or they get it shaved in advance.
But unlike most…
I won’t be crying for my stupid hair.
Because of this, I’ve spent most of my life with super long hair, and while hot summers and lazy hair style habits have often seen me frustrated with my unruly mop – I have learnt how to tolerate it over the years.
You see I’m not really a ‘hair-person’ truth be told. Anyone who knows me, knows this. You just have to look at my questionable hair styling techniques (or lack thereof) to know this! My Mum on the other hand, had some sort of girly fascination (bordering on obsession) with the idea. It probably was a typical case of a mother ‘living out her dream through her one and only daughter ’, although that’s just a cheeky guess.
So, if I’m not such a big hair person then why didn’t I just chop it off the moment I discovered the freedom of becoming an adult? When the shackles of hair growth were broken? When Rapunzel finally decided not to let down her hair? Good question. Easily enough answered: Long story short; She begged me.
In fact she made me promise countless times never to cut it off. And to this day I have honored that promise as ridiculous as it sounds.
In a way, I am a modern day Rapunzel minus the blonde metres of course. From all fairy tale accounts that girl never really did care too much about her own hair. Someone else did - whether it was the prince wanting to climb his way into her heart in the more traditional tale, or the wicked witch playing Rapunzels mother in Tangled, who just wanted her to keep it for their own weird and wonderful agendas.
Speaking of mothers…
It's no secret my mother and I haven’t always had the easiest relationship, and because of that it has been quite tempting over the years to play the rebel and do the very thing she’s asked me not to do. Very easy. While some might think being a rebel comes naturally to me (HA!), one only needs to ask the question why. You’re not born ‘a rebel’. Not really. Usually its because someone or some people have let you down and you develop trust issues, which eventually turn into “I don’t really give a crap” issues or “I’m just going to do this to get a reaction” issues. Let’s just say my mother let me down too many times to count, from my birth to her death. But I know she tried her best and never wanted to let me down. Me not chopping the mop was my weird and wonderful way of acknowledging this, and honoring her regardless. You see, there is a reason why the bible tells us to honor our fathers and mothers – minus any conditions attached. It may not be easy for some, but God requires it of us. We don't have to agree with what they have done or how they may have treated us. Honor and Forgiveness are principles that bring YOU and ME into a position of freedom. Its not a fluffy feel good exercise, although this can be a bi-product of activating truth. What it does is open the channels between you and God, so He can ultimately teach you how to become more like Him. And come on!! Who doesn't want that??!
Upon reflection, that final year of her life was probably the best for us as mother and daughter. We finally learnt how to be great friends – free from all the rubbish of past hurt, free to get on with life and free to enjoy each other fully for the first time ever. Separate but finally together (she lived in Taupo, I was in Hamilton). Even in that final year as we sat down together and had wonderful adult conversations, and connected wonderfully on even ground - the issue of my hair was raised, and that silly but serious promise renewed.
Rapunzel would just have to suck it up.
In the next couple of weeks I am going to have to break that promise and it really does break my heart.
Not because I am a hair person and can’t stand to loose my hair. But because that was one of the last promises I made my mother and I have honored that my whole adult life. I took that promise seriously, especially in the wake of her death because I knew that it meant something to her.
Now cancer will rob me of that promise and there ain’t nothing I can do about it. So Mum, if your peering over my shoulder right now as I’m writing this – please understand there is nothing I can do. I can’t do anything more to keep this promise, but I am sorry I’ve had to break it.
Yes - The day it comes off I will probably cry. I’ll cry like every other woman cries when their hair falls out or they get it shaved in advance.
But unlike most…
I won’t be crying for my stupid hair.
Update.
I wrote this a little while back but didn’t publish it right away. Yesterday I decided to take the control away from cancer, and remove my hair on my own terms. I platted it up and got my hubby to chop it off with the kitchen scissors. It was both hilarious and extremely emotional. I laughed and cried at the same time…which is really hard to do by the way!! My poor hubby didn’t quite know how to respond but he was awesome and the perfect person to do it. Long story short, I feel extremely liberated. What’s left of my hair will fall out soon, but for now I am enjoying not having to wrangle the wild lions mane every day. I may even keep my hair short when it finally grows back. Save in hairdressers fees for starters! Right now I have a big grin on my face. So do me a favor and smile with me. It is after all, only hair. Bex xox
I wrote this a little while back but didn’t publish it right away. Yesterday I decided to take the control away from cancer, and remove my hair on my own terms. I platted it up and got my hubby to chop it off with the kitchen scissors. It was both hilarious and extremely emotional. I laughed and cried at the same time…which is really hard to do by the way!! My poor hubby didn’t quite know how to respond but he was awesome and the perfect person to do it. Long story short, I feel extremely liberated. What’s left of my hair will fall out soon, but for now I am enjoying not having to wrangle the wild lions mane every day. I may even keep my hair short when it finally grows back. Save in hairdressers fees for starters! Right now I have a big grin on my face. So do me a favor and smile with me. It is after all, only hair. Bex xox
Me before the big chop. Memory photo! I won't miss having to straighten it... What a mission.
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And off it comes. I had it all nicely platted until my hubbys big man hands came and man handled it.
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My expression really does say it all. Looking at my reflection for the first time....errr ummm eeek!
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I've decided I'm going to have fun with different hair styles and color. What an opportunity!!!
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