Motherhood
"The past is the past and many of us need to learn how to leave it where it belongs. We all have the right and ability to lead lives that are completely independent from the dysfunction we may have been taught as children"
My reason for living
Like my mother before me, I became a solo parent at age 21. Around this time I had started to become painfully aware that my life was in inexplicably hurtling down the same dead end track as hers. I seemed to be replicating her every experience, despite my considerable efforts not to. Ironically, the one thing I thought would never happen was a repeat episode of ME. Not because I possessed a magic wand, but because I was told that due to some internal damage to my reproductive organs, it was highly unlikely that I would ever have children. While a small part of me quietly died at this revelation, I was also extremely relieved that an innocent child would not suffer at my hands. Seriously. That's how messed up I was.
I won’t go into the details of how I got pregnant, but I pity the Doctor who gave me the news. My fear was debilitating and unprecedented. I had only one example of motherhood in my life, and look how that turned out! To make matters worse, I didn’t possess one tiny maternal bone in my body. This story does end well I promise, but we'll get to that in a little bit. For now I want to explore a phenomenon that many women in my position experience. ...Continue Reading
I won’t go into the details of how I got pregnant, but I pity the Doctor who gave me the news. My fear was debilitating and unprecedented. I had only one example of motherhood in my life, and look how that turned out! To make matters worse, I didn’t possess one tiny maternal bone in my body. This story does end well I promise, but we'll get to that in a little bit. For now I want to explore a phenomenon that many women in my position experience. ...Continue Reading
She belongs to Him
My daughter really was exquisite. Babies are amazing aren’t they? They have the ability to light up your entire world with just one look, that one little smile, custom made to take your breath away. It’s no wonder that women get clucky when they are around other peoples new born treasures. Even men get a softer look on their face when they are around little babies. I for one never felt this way about other people's babies. I was decidedly indifferent, in fact most of the time I was a little uncomfortable as you know what happens when a woman holds a baby; (especially if she doesn’t have any children of her own) People start ooohing and ahhing and “Oh Rebecca, you would make a perfect mother, when are you planning on having children – not too late in life I hope?” As if you didn’t already know that your biological clock wasn’t pounding ever so loudly in your ear. That not so subtle expectation and pressure from other mothers, or even worse – grandmothers, to pop out one of those little darlings was what got me running for the door every time. That and I didn’t know what the all the big fuss was about. Babies just cry and poo their pants. Everynow and then they bless you with a cute expression, but lets face it, its probably just wind anyway. Yes, I think it was safe to say that I didn’t have a maternal bone in my body. Until my girl came along…. Continue Reading....
The greatest gift
There are many things I know for sure, now that I have grown up and matured in Christ. I know that I didn’t have much choice about how my life began. But the choice became mine when I grew into an adult. I was also given the gift to choose how my daughters life would begin and continue, until such a time as she begins to make her own choices. Even though I made many mistakes in her earlier years, grace was there to cover us both. I happened upon this diary entry and felt to share.... Continue Reading...
