My Grandfather was our rock and when he passed my mother took it extremely hard. And then just over one year later, she gave up and consequently reintroduced grief into my life. I was in such a bad way, that the doctors dosed me up on several types of anti-depressants (this is not unusual, but it’s not really a cure is it?). I was so dosed up, that at times I would black out and loose all sense of time. One of the anti-depressants that was prescribed made me quite nauseous and dizzy. I would spend hours, and loose days on my bed not knowing whether I was coming or going. There was a part of me that welcomed this blackness. But then there was another part of me that couldn’t stand this mundane level of existence. It was a sad type of existence, even for me.
Until one day…..
I heard a voice. And not just any voice either. I was lying on my bed when heavenly thunder commanded me to GET UP. As I sat up on my bed (quicker than I had moved in months!), I felt a surge of energy, excitement and passion course through my body with such force that it made the hairs on my arms stand up. The feeling was completely overwhelming, I couldn’t even contain myself - such was the joy! This was the first stage of my miraculous revival. The next stage was just as exciting. It was like my mind was an empty vessel and God just started pouring desires, dreams, purposes and plans into my head – so much volume that if I were a cup, the liquid would spill over into the saucer, over the bench and flood the floor within a matter of seconds. I hadn’t been so filled up with positive thoughts since, well I don’t know when!! Finally I had a plan. A vision of a life to look forward to. God had given me a new wineskin and flooded it with new wine. The old me didn’t stand a chance.
God moved powerfully that day. He cut through my mind with a deadly and righteous sword, slashed up my drug induced stupor, and searched out a smidgen of life in my heart. I was taken through all the textbook treatment options, but in the end the only thing that could and did heal me, was God. This was the beginning of my faith-induced journey. This would be one of those defining moments in my life where God made Himself and His power known for three simple reasons. Because He loved me. Because He believed in me. Because He knew, looking back from the end of time - that I would rise above the things of this world and take my place. This is where I belonged, and this is where I would eventually end up. And He knew it.
"For some people, it’s not just that you can’t get back up out of it, it’s that you can’t see which way is up because everything around you is pitch black. There is no up or down, side ways or other ways about it. You are trapped and lost, gravitating toward some unseen bottomless pit that crushes the very air out of your lungs and squeezes your heart to excruciating levels of physical pain."
"Most people who struggle to understand the “dynamics” behind severe depression that may lead to suicide, simply suffer from a little thing called incomprehension."
"You see, this book is built on life experience and often compares how life was without me knowing Christ, to how life was when I accepted him into my life. But never about how life was without Christ. For even though I was not aware of his presence, and did not know who my Savior was, that did not mean His hand was not over my life. I can testify to the fact that God is involved in all that is Good and oversees all that is not."
"But it is clear as we read back through my diary entry, that even though I wanted so badly to give up, this love I had for God and my obedience toward Him was the greater scale. It was His scale, tailor made for me. Tailor made for anyone who dares to place Him at the center of their heart."
"This would be one of those defining moments in my life where God made Himself and His power known for three simple reasons. Because He loved me. Because He believed in me. Because He knew, looking back from the end of time - that I would rise above the things of this world and take my place."