Before I came to be a baby in this world, God knew me and knew who I was going to be. I remained perfect in His eyes and was in fact preordained before the foundations of the earth to be a brilliant light that attracted many people to the truth. He established a purpose within me, a purpose that would one day, when the time was right, come to be the driving force behind my passion for seeing God’s kingdom be established here on earth. He knew all of this and also knew of the trials I would inevitably face. We were never promised that our time here on earth would be ‘peaches and cream’. If anything, we are warned that our lives will be full of hardship and persecution. Such is the world we live in.
I personally didn't know this truth when I was a teenager coping with my first hefty bout of bipolar disorder. And to be honest, even if I had heard it back then I probably wouldn’t have paid much attention. Such was the intensity of my self-absorption. It would have taken God to whack me over the head with a steel frying pan before I looked beyond myself for help, answers and the truth.
You see, this blog is built on life experience and often compares how life was without me knowing Christ, to how life was when I accepted him into my life. But never about how life was without Christ. For even though I was not aware of his presence, and did not know who my Savior was, that did not mean His hand was not over my life. I can testify to the fact that God is involved in all that is good and oversees all that is not. When I was a teenager, eaten up in so many ways by the spirit of depression, God was equipping me all along with wisdom to discern what was happening in my world, along with courage and conviction to do something about it. He placed his loving arms around me when I was all consumed by the fire of first-puppy-love-gone-wrong, and gave me such an amazing amount of personal strength to see me through the deep freeze in my heart when I though nobody cared. I was never in isolation although at the time it felt like I was. I just couldn’t see clearly. And then God opened my eyes a little bit at a time so that I might come to appreciate who I was becoming....
If I did not experience these things in my life then I would not be able to explain to you how real and magnificent our God really is. And I can honestly say that I am genuinely thankful for this position I have found myself in. I am thankful for the experiences because nothing gives me greater pleasure than to witness and testify to His glory in my life and on this earth. I had to walk through those valleys before I could bring this message to you. Before I could even allow it to come to me. God was always with me, holding me steady and guiding me through the many traps and pitfalls the enemy placed before me. I am still here aren’t I? I am saved, happy, excited, glad and THANKFUL. God has been and forever will be, victorious in my life. You can overcome whatever stands between you and that peace and joy too. Nothing is impossible where God is concerned. Not even physical, emotional or psychological sickness. NOTHING!
"For some people, it’s not just that you can’t get back up out of it, it’s that you can’t see which way is up because everything around you is pitch black. There is no up or down, side ways or other ways about it. You are trapped and lost, gravitating toward some unseen bottomless pit that crushes the very air out of your lungs and squeezes your heart to excruciating levels of physical pain."
"Most people who struggle to understand the “dynamics” behind severe depression that may lead to suicide, simply suffer from a little thing called incomprehension."
"You see, this book is built on life experience and often compares how life was without me knowing Christ, to how life was when I accepted him into my life. But never about how life was without Christ. For even though I was not aware of his presence, and did not know who my Savior was, that did not mean His hand was not over my life. I can testify to the fact that God is involved in all that is Good and oversees all that is not."
"But it is clear as we read back through my diary entry, that even though I wanted so badly to give up, this love I had for God and my obedience toward Him was the greater scale. It was His scale, tailor made for me. Tailor made for anyone who dares to place Him at the center of their heart."
"This would be one of those defining moments in my life where God made Himself and His power known for three simple reasons. Because He loved me. Because He believed in me. Because He knew, looking back from the end of time - that I would rise above the things of this world and take my place."