You want to hear something hilarious? Well its not actually, but if I don’t laugh I most definitely will cry. Yes...it’s that bad - or good - depending on your perspective. So if you’ve been reading my previous posts you’ll know that not long ago my family and I decided to pick up our feet, put on our brave faces, and keep moving forward by joining another church. While the feet were admittedly dragging at times (ok ok - all the time), we just knew deep deep down that we needed to stay plugged in and not isolate ourselves during this time in our lives. Surely not all churches were the same!?! And even though the hurt would definitely try to convince us of this, God really was our merciful strength and where He should have been all the while - at the centre of our hearts. Because if He wasn’t - we most definitely would not have been able to do this.
So on with the hilarious story. Not two weeks later (after we start visiting this church) the pastor comes up to me and, bless his soul, admits that they are thinking about moving the church to a new location. GUESS WHERE??? Yes...back to where we began. To our old church building. Ohhh the unfairness of it all. Seriously man, God has got to have the craziest sense of humor...or something (I’m still trying to figure that one out). I just couldn’t believe my ears but I’m pretty sure I kept it together long enough to get to the car and exhale rather dramatically. Our first reaction was HELL NO. There is no way we are going back to that place. That place just represented way too much to us. But almost immediately God started challenging me in the quiet little way He does with questions like “So...is that building more important than me? Will you turn back at the slightest challenge - even after all you’ve said to me? Will you walk away even now when Faith (our daughter) is finally starting to grow some roots and cleave to Me?”
Ok OK!!! I get it. It’s just a building. I may not like the building - the building may elicit a dramatic response from me - but the truth is, His church is wherever His people are. It’s got nothing to do with a building Rebecca!!! So right then I renewed my promise to God - "I will go wherever you want me to go - even if it’s to my personal version of hell (haha), not because I understand it, or necessarily think it’s a good idea (because my ideas have always worked out?!!) But because I trust you. And this has GOT TO MEAN SOMETHING - surely??! You have got to be doing something amazing here Lord - this I have to believe!" The building was just a symbol of our pain, but God is so much bigger and greater than any symbol. These are the thoughts and revelations that were poured ever so gently into me as I fought my soul and flesh one crazy thought at a time.
So its the night before the big day - where the church will have its first service and we have determined to be there at its inauguration. And I’m starting to sweat. For weeks I have put off thinking about it in huge detail - oh the overall sickening feeling was always there - but I didn’t spend a lot of time thinking about it unless it was from a spiritual point of view. The beautiful people in this church who so obviously cared about us would gently make mention of it every now and then, testing our waters, and just letting us know that they understood and were there for us. But overall I was a professional ostrich...one who’s head was well and truly pulled out of the sand tonight. I know that this is it - it’s finally going to happen and I can’t for the life of me stop time. I’m starting to panic, and the old ranting cranks up again - WHY GOD? What the heck!!! This is sooo unfair! I am desperate to know something...to understand at least a little piece of the puzzle. So I went to the Word of God begging to be given something that would make sense.
Psalms 5:7 - BUT AS FOR ME, I will come into YOUR HOUSE in the multitude of your MERCY; In fear of You I WILL WORSHIP toward Your holy temple. Lead me, O Lord, in Your righteousness because of my enemies; Make Your way straight before my face.
That’s it right there - It’s all about Him and it always has been.
Not to mention, He has always been merciful in my life, and I WILL worship Him in HIS House, wherever that may be.
Sometimes we just have to go back to basics and remember who He is and what He has done. I believe this is the centerpiece of my puzzle. More answers will come, and the puzzle will one day make sense, but this is where it’s always been at for me and my family.
Ooooh still feeling nervous as HECK though. Pray me strength.