Tue, May 19, 2015

Truth is my life has resembled somewhat of a rollercoaster. Just when I think it’s all clear to get off the damn thing and walk on solid ground - Boom!! The thing cranks up again and away we go. It’s nothing if not entertaining, and many people have likened it to a very bad episode of Days of our Lives. Personally I think that’s giving it a bit too much credit (the tv programme, not my life).
The latest gut wrenching corkscrew is particularly nasty. Here we go...

So lately I've been dealing with my church closing and while I'll try not to  drag this subject out it truly has had the potential to rip my life apart and throw me clean off the rollercoaster. Does anyone remember that movie Final Destination the one with the rollercoaster in the beginning? Yeah like that.
And I know what your thinking;

Church closure. Big deal. It happens all the time.

You know what else happens all the time in this day and age? Abuse. In all ugly forms: mental, emotional, physical, and sexual. But lets not stop there! What about abuse of trust, power, position, responsibility and every shade in between. Such things sit somewhere on the spectrum of spiritual abuse. Or the abuse of religion.

I think we can all agree - Abuse runs rampant in our society.

But you don't really expect it to run rampant in church - in a place that's supposed to be safe. Supposed to be better. Supposed to show people a better way.  You don't expect to be hurt in that environment but the ugly truth is this kind of thing happens all the time. No wonder people don't want a bar of church. Hey I'm just being real and saying what everyone's thinking! But I'll also say that not all churches are like this. And if I can say that (especially right now) then that is saying something don't you think?!

But back to what happened. The ugly truth is, all these forms of abuse happened in our church and were either covered up, or swept under the carpet like it was NOTHING. Like the problem would go away if we just piously ignored it - and even worse - trusted God to wade through the growing rubbish pile and sort out our secret mess for us. Umm....newsflash! God is quite capable of healing anyone, anytime but we also (especially leadership) have a measure of responsibility. It's not rocket science and since when did it become standard practice to conduct Kingdom business in the dark? This one goes out to all the Pastors/Leaders who think they are the judge and the jury. Or are beginning to think like that. Guess what. You’re not. If you have a child molester in your church who has confessed this to you, then you need to report it to the police. Not because you're a horrible person, but because a) its the law and b) these people need professional, psychological help. Yes everyone knows they need Jesus. Helllo!! But God also knows they need ongoing care to ensure everyone is kept safe. Like I said, its not rocket science and yet many people in a position of leadership think they know better. Meanwhile the ugly cycle continues....

You know what our biggest stats are concerning the church of Jesus Christ?  It's not how many people aren't saved. It's how many people walk out the door never to return again. Now that's kind of ridiculous considering the purpose of the church. Thank God I'm not one of those people, even though after 13 years of life-sacrificing commitment - I'd be more than eligible to wave my pom poms and join those stats. In the words of Lecrae, "Thank God my Kingdom was overthrown by the Soul Redeemer".

The final closure of our church was quick and excruciating. And you know what, I'm not going to go into the gorey detail, but it was about as bad as it can get. Even worse...the atomic fallout revealed some things about us that were, and still are kind of hard to swallow. Words like sectarian, dicatorship, bigoted, elitism, slavery, coercion, narcissism, gang culture, and my all time favourite - hierarchical king pyramid, have been bandied around. Even the big C word made it's ugly debut. The cold hard reality is that is exactly what we were apart of. You see, the thing about cults is you are literally deaf dumb and blind to it - until you step out of it. Everyone else around you sees the truth, but most of them instinctively know it wouldn't be any use saying anything. Disowning family is common practice in cults, put it that way. I just finished reading an article in the news about the exclusive brethren doing this to those they excommunicate. It’s more common than we think, and yet I find myself genuinely shocked.
Even now I struggle to comprehend and accept that I was a part of something like that.

By all accounts I am a reasonable, sensible, intelligent woman - and that's not just my own biased assessment. In all humility, I actually have a solid reputation in my city. And yet here I am, sitting here writing about being part of a cult. Where was my brain? My common sense? My personal relationship with Jesus. WHY?? HOW?? And WHAT the heck was I thinking. Classic cult like symptoms, or so I'm told. Funny that.

And then there is the big ugly question that everybody is thinking but not everyone has the courage to ask. And it goes something like this;

"God.............

Where were you?
Why didn't you stop this? Why didn't you save us from this? We loved you. We served you. We believed our life counted for something. We gave all of ourselves to your church.  And YOUR church - the church of JESUS CHRIST  did this to us."

Woah. Some hard questions.
Stay tuned for some beautiful answers.